Count Your Blessings, Name Them One by One

So many bad things have happened this month, I think it's time to remember what all I'm thankful for.



I am so, so thankful that my friend at work didn't lose her baby! She went back to the doctor on Tuesday and they saw the sweet little thing's hearbeat. Her husband even teared up.

I really, really prayed hard that her baby would be OK, so I am also thankful for an awesome God who answers prayers.

I am thankful for my amazing BFF, who was willing to put herself into awkward situations last weekend because she knew I might need her.

I am thankful that I got to know my cousin for 23 years, even though he aggravated me to death when I was little (and even some when I got older). He was the big brother I never had. He had a tough life filled with lots of sickness, and even though my whole family will miss him, I am thankful that he is no longer in pain.

Finally, I am thankful for all the time I got to spend with my family this week, even if it was under sad circumstances. Sometimes, all you need is the people you love.

Free Write

I really haven't been keeping up with this blog as much as I wanted to. I just realized that it had been about 3 weeks since I last posted (before yesterday, that is), but that's around the time my cousin went into the hospital for the last time and he really started going downhill. So everything kind of all got saved up and spit out in my last post.

I don't know if this sounds awful or abnormal or what but I kind of feel like I'm trying not to get upset until it's all over with. Like, I feel like I need to keep myself together through tomorrow and after it's all over I can have myself a good cry about it. It's not that I didn't love my cousin. He aggravated the whey out of me when I was little but it sure makes for good memories now. He used to tell me that the Snards were going to get me, which is probably why I still think things are going to "get me" when I'm home alone. (Have I told you about my completely irrational fear or zombies? We'll talk about that one another day.)

I just feel so sad for my Aunt K. He was her only baby, and his daddy left them when he was little, probably still just a baby. So he was kind of communally raised by my whole family and everybody is really upset over it. Tonight was the first time I had ever seen my Uncle S cry, and he has pretty much been my dad (along with my Papaw B) my whole life, so that really got me.

The funeral home does one of those picture memorials and there were several pictures of my cousin with his grandkids. One of his stepdaughters, had a baby when she was 13, and we were all really embarrassed then, but now that I think about it, I think God allowed it to happen so my cousin could get to enjoy a grandchild. When they brought my cousin home from the hospital the last time, he kept talking about taking his grandson to the zoo. I just wish he would have got to do it.

Like I said, I'm trying not to get myself all sad and upset until it's all over, but all bets are off for the funeral tomorrow. That's going to be a really tough thing for everyone to go through, and if my own sadness doesn't get me, I know my family's will.

Horrible/Wonderful/Horrible Week

Remember the future sister-in-law that I blogged about here? Well, let's just say I had a change of heart. (The only constant is change, remember?) I thought, if she's going to be in my life, especially if she's going to be the mother of my niece or nephew, I am going to try my hardest to like her. My grandma was feeling the same way, and had even talked to her about their upcoming wedding and baby names. Heck, I even offered to take their wedding pictures!

Well, I got the news from my sister and grandma Monday that Future SIL had lost the baby. And honestly, I was really sad. I was looking forward to a niece or nephew to spoil rotten. And I know they were excited, too. But, I guess everything happens for a reason, and right now just wasn't the right time for them to have a child. That doesn't make it any easier, though.

Last week, we found out one of my good friends from work is also pregnant. She and her husband have been trying since January, and girl had a full-blown case of baby fever. Then she started having really bad cramps. A trip to the doctor yielded the possibility that it's either normal or a miscarriage. They're tracking the levels of pregnancy hormone in her blood in hopes of finding out something. She's still feeling sick, which I take to be a good sign, but what do I know about pregnancy? I just keep praying that her baby's OK.

On to the better part of the week. Friday, my wonderful boyfriend, my BFF, and I went to see Three Days Grace, Chevelle, and Adelitas Way at the BancorpSouth Center in Tupelo. It was an all-around great performance by all three bands. None of us had ever heard of Adelitas Way before, but after Friday night my BFF and I were in love. The lead singer was signing autographs after the show, so of course we bought a copy of their CD and got it signed. My BFF complemented them on their great show, the lead singer winked at her, and she said, "Ahhh," in a lovesick fashion. And he heard it. And chuckled. Plus, my WB ran smack-dab into him coming out of the bathroom. Jealous.

My BFF came home with me afterwards to help out with the Surprise 70th Birthday Party I've been planning for my Mamaw S for almost a year. We had told her our family was having an Easter get-together on Saturday so we would have an excuse to bring her to the party spot. For some reason, my mamaw kept getting the times mixed up and almost giving me a heart attack. We invited all her brothers and sisters, my grandpa's brothers and sisters, and everyone's kids and grandkids. My BFF, Mom, and I went to decorate the place, and we got everything put up pretty fast. We had a cake made with a dachshund on it since my mamaw has a weenie dog named Skeeter. It was adorable. Everyone arrived around 1 p.m., and we had my brother and his fiancée bring our mamaw at 1:30. She was so surprised when she walked in and everyone started singing "Happy Birthday" to her. I can't believe our huge family managed to keep it a secret for almost a year!

We even had a family picture made--the first one ever, I believe--of my mamaw, my dad, and all of us kids. And I made sure my WB and Future SIL were included. (My sister's boyfriend was at work, or he would have been in it, too.)

The only bad part about the day was, of course, my father. He made my sister text me on Friday to find out if my mom was invited to the party. He "didn't want to hurt my feelings, but he doesn't feel comfortable around her." Well, duh. Generally when you screw somebody over you don't feel comfortable around them anymore. My whole family wanted my mom to stay, but she wouldn't because she didn't want to create a scene. Then my dad proceeded not to speak to me the whole day. Can we nominate him for Father of the Year or what?

Around the end of the party, my stomach started feeling rumbly, like something wasn't settling well. I started to think that bacon and cheese covered jalapeños + strawberry cake was not a good combination. Still, after we cleaned up, the BFF and I went and spent a little time with Mamaw S at her house and talked about the party. Seth wanted us to stop by so my BFF could see his mom's puppy, so we did that. Stomach still feeling not so good. Starting to feel a little pukey but trying to hold off on losing my lunch until I got home.

Now we get to the really bad part. One of my cousins has been really sick for a long time. He's a hemophiliac, so he's had a lot of problems all his life. He doesn't have a spleen, and around Christmas he fell and broke his hip and had to have surgery (which was a really big ordeal because of the hemophilia). Anyway, he had been having some other problems and they discovered that he had a virus called toxoplasmosis attacking his brain. They started treating it, but nothing they did helped. They couldn't do surgery because they were afraid he would bleed to death. So basically they just had to let it be. Two weeks ago, around my birthday, he went into the hospital again and found out the virus was spreading. They told us he wouldn't live much longer and sent him home on hospice. So basically we have been waiting for two weeks for the inevitable to happen. And on Saturday, they told us it wouldn't be long at all.

So I'm trying to decide what to do with BFF, because I know she wouldn't want to intrude on such a private family moment unless she knew I needed her there. We finally decided for her to go to my house so she could check on her puppy and wait. My WB was going back to Oxford that night to work on Sunday, so she was hitching a ride back with him. We get home and my Aunt N walks out from my Mamaw P's, where she had been sent to get my mamaw's medicine, so I asked if I could hitch a ride up to my Aunt K's house with her. She says yes and goes back to get the medicine. The BFF and I get everything unloaded and the pukey feeling just won't wait anymore. I leave her unloading food that needs to be refrigerated and do my thing. As I'm brushing my teeth, Aunt N comes back and says they called from Aunt K's and said to leave everything and come right now. So we jump in the car and go. My cousin is gone by the time we get there. He was my Aunt K's only child, and I felt so bad for her. The funeral home was so busy this weekend that they couldn't get him out today, so visitation is today and the funeral is Tuesday. I'm missing two days of work, but my supervisor has known about this for weeks and she knew I was going to go home (or in this case, stay home) if anything happened.

Back to Saturday. It was my other cousin's birthday, the one who is like a brother to me. And I proceeded to get sick through his whole birthday party. Mom got me home and it just didn't stop. It felt just like last summer when I got food poisoning from Taco Bell. Mom had to call Aunt K to get me a dissolvable Phenergan because I couldn't keep the liquid down. I didn't eat anything that could give me food poisoning, so I'm thinking I got some kind of stomach flu. I'm feeling some better, but still not 100%.

I know this post was totally random, but there is so much on my mind and I just had to get it all out. Thanks for listening!